I have not been blogging for a while, as you know. Just wanted you to know I'm still alive.
I'm launching a new website, www.InnerTigress.com, hopefully by the end of May. This is a unique Women's' Empowerment site with plenty of free information on my InnerTigress/4 Bridges model and system for women's empowerment. Writing content for it and dealing with all the details has really had me tied up time wise, and still does.
There will be a Blog, "Tigress Talk", which will replace this one. I will be posting on Tigress Talk from then on. I'll let you know as soon as it is live. You can subscribe to that one as well, and receive 3 free reports as a subscription bonus.
I'll keep you posted (no pun intended).
Have a Frabjous day.
Pris
Friday, May 16, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Refuse to "Settle"
By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC
“Settling” is a dangerous disease
that afflicts way too many women. In
fact, one could argue that it could be listed among women’s disorders.
What is “settling”? God bless you if you have to ask! Too many of us already know.
Broadly defined, settling is
accepting something (or someone) less when you really want something more. Maybe it’s a job, a relationship, or
something else that is off-track from your main needs or desires.
What have you “settled” for in the
past? Did what you settled for bring
you peace, joy, freedom, truly closer to a particular someone, or what you were
HOPING for?
I’d bet NOT, at least not in the
long run!
Look, Tigress, here’s the real
skinny. Settling is like vanilla
extract! Open the bottle. The aroma is pleasant. Put a drop on your tongue. Instant sweetness, but almost immediately
the taste turns bitter!
Settling is the “Path of Least
Resistance”. Even more, it’s going down
a road which takes you farther and farther from your inner truth and desires. It’s opting for the hamburger when down deep
you want the filet mignon!
Why do we do it? Maybe we’re yielding to pressure from others
we care about or fear. Maybe we’re too
caught up in pleasing or over-serving.
Maybe it’s just the easiest or most convenient choice. Or maybe, there is an allure to the choice
that promises a better lifestyle.
On the surface, settling may not
seem like such a big deal. Dig deeper,
and you’ll discover how insidious and destructive settling really is.
First, the real reasons we settle
are rooted in fear: fear of displeasing,
incurring anger, fear of failure, or even success, in a potential new venture.
Sure, there’s always a certain
amount of fear in any new venture, but a true Tigress accepts that and doesn’t
let it hold her back.
Settling is actually a slippery
slope. Once we do it, it gets easier
every time. It’s also erosive. Little by little, it diminishes your inner
truth and authenticity. It erodes your
self image and your personhood. Keep it
up, and you start living inauthentically.
You drift ever so slowly away from your true, authentic self that you may not notice the erosion is
happening. You end up living a lie.
Sooner or later, you’ll wake up to
that fact. You’ll find lumps of
dissatisfaction, disappointment and regret in your throat. There may be the acid of anger in your
stomach. Perhaps anger at others, but
ultimately at yourself for lacking courage.
Are you facing such a choice right
now? If so, think twice. If you suspect that you might be settling,
then you probably are. A little inner
voice (perhaps your Inner Tigress) is warning you. Think carefully and take that warning
seriously.
Determine your inner truth. Who is the real, long-term, authentic
you? Is what you’re about to choose
really in line with and supporting your Authentic Self? Assess carefully.
Muster the courage to be
yourself. If not settling leads you to challenges about which you are uncertain,
get help, advice, or coaching. There
are plenty of resources around you. If
the student is ready, the teacher will come.
Get what you need, Tigress. You
need look no further than this Blog's recent posts to start.
Here’s the bottom line – settling is
selling out and selling yourself short!
It’s based on lack of confidence in your true strength and power.
Muster your courage, Tigress. Stand up for your Authentic Truth. Refuse to be intimidated or to let bogus
fear block you.
Never, ever, ever, give up on
yourself!
Rise Up and Roar!
C. 2014, Priscilla Wainwright. All rights reserved.
Priscilla
is a psychologist and empowerment, career, and destiny coach for women on the
rise, based in Owings Mills, MD. She works face to face and by phone so distance is no problem. She is
also founder of www.ScarvesStyleAndGlory.com This unique site sells scarves, and offers
free Style Tips, Style Coaching, Empowerment Coaching, and an online community,
“Women of Style and Glory”. She also
owns www.MyBigDiscountMall.com, 49 major stores with 1
click, and great discounts! Contact her
at pris@ScarvesStyleAndGlory.com.
SPRING SALE GOING ON AT WWW,SCARVESSTYLEANDGLORY.COM
20% OFF THE ENTIRE STORE!!!
Discount Code: spring
Sale on thru Sunday, March 23
WOOHOO! I was featured in the March edition of Holistic Fashionista. Great mag with cool articles. www.holisticfashionista.com/lifestyle-guide/all/priscilla-wainwright
Friday, March 14, 2014
BRAINSEX - How "Splitting and Blending" Can Impact Your Relationship
(Live workshop: "BRAINSEX - The Neuropsychology of Female-Male Communication"
April 12, 8:30-11:30 AM, St. Marks on the Hill, 1620 Reisterstown Rd., Pikesville, MD 21208.
We deal in a fun way with the Male-Female brain differences that affect communication, and give you new ways to communicate around these differences to help you better understand your guy, get greater respect and cooperation, and help relationships heal and grow stronger. Ever want to really understand the other gender, and yourself? Come if you're in the area. For more info and to register online, go to
http://membershipbeta.com/holson/brain-sex-workshop/
By: Priscilla
A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC
Jane and Jim have been married a while, and the marriage
is a fairly good one. They do,
however, have a few issues they argue over occasionally.
Well, one night they had a nasty verbal fight. No abuse, but it lasted longer than
normal. Finally, both ran out of
steam. Jane retreated to the bedroom,
and Jim hung out in the den. He
grabbed the clicker and caught a football game in progress on TV. He watched the game to the end.
When it was over, he sat sulking on the couch. “This sucks”, he told himself, and started
to think of ways to make up to Jane.
Finally he hit on an idea. He
knew sex was always good between them, so he decided to approach Jane with that
request.
Jim goes upstairs, enters the bedroom and says, “Honey,
Let’s make love”. Jane glares at him
and screams, “How can we make love right now?
We just had a fight a couple of hours ago!!”
Now things are worse.
Jane feels used, thinking Jim just wants to get his rocks off at her
expense. Crestfallen and angry, Jim
feels Jane just wants to keep the fight going on.
Neither Jane’s nor Jim’s resulting assumptions are
accurate. What’s REALLY going on?
It’s just that Jane is thinking like a typical girl, and
Jim is thinking like the average guy.
When it comes to processing reason and emotion, the male
and female brains are structured and operate very differently internally. While there are plenty of exceptions, what
I’m about to describe fits the middle of the bell-shaped curve and is typical.
Based on structure and hormonal activity, the brain
guides our thinking and processing in ways of which we are not typically
aware. Female brains are likely to
lead women in one direction, while male brains lead men in another.
This is biology.
In my 40 years of doing couples work, I’ve seen men and women bump into
each other in the same ways regardless of race, age, ethnicity, or cultural differences. With the latest advances in neuroscience,
we are now able to accurately explain these innate differences.
____________________
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____________________
Let’s get back to Jane and Jim. Jim is doing what I call “splitting”. Jane is “blending”.
Men tend to live their lives in chapters. When one chapter is over, guys can usually
move to the next one with relative ease.
That’s over. Now he’s onto
something new. In our story, Jim has
three separate chapters going one after another: fight, football, and attempt at making up.
Women, on the other hand, tend to “blend”. It’s like our whole book is one
chapter. And the overarching umbrella
that ties it all together is Relationship.
So for us women, when there is a problem in a key relationship, we often
hang onto it until it gets resolved somehow.
Men typically separate chronological events. That’s why Tommy and Billy can fight in the
schoolyard Thursday afternoon and be best buds again Friday morning. “The fight? That was yesterday”. Women will usually tie emotional
chronological events together.
This is why we so often complain, “Guys don’t get
it”. Not only are men disconnecting
events, it’s also as if they process Reason in New York and Emotion in San
Diego, with the connection between them being an unpaved dirt road. “Splitting” also leads men to be less aware
of, and underestimate, the consequences of their actions sometimes.
Women on the other hand, process Reason in Minneapolis
and Emotion in St. Paul, with the connection being an 18-lane super
highway. That’s why guys say “You keep
hanging onto the past”.
Yes, men process Reason and Emotion in brain areas which
are architecturally distant. Women
process them in very contiguous brain areas.
That’s why women say, “Men are out of touch with their
feelings”, and men say women are “overemotional, irrational”.
So……Jim wasn’t trying to take advantage of Jane, and Jane
wasn’t really trying to keep the fight going, in spite of how it appeared. It’s just that their brains were taking them
in two different directions. Jim was
just being a guy: Jane was just being a
girl!
I have found when coaching couples, that when they
understand brain gender differences, their communication improves and
unintentional fights significantly reduce in number and severity. It’s not about “making excuses” for the
other gender, but rather, if I know how your brain is leading you to react, I
can suspend judgment and “taking it personally”, and move to understanding.
In my live “Brainsex” workshop on April 12th in Pikesville, MD, I will spell out in Lay terms all the major differences
between the female and male brains as they relate to relationships, skills, and
tendencies. For instance, why, when
women are stressed, do we need to “vent” to our girlfriends, while guys under
stress either want sex or “shut down”?
Why do guys so often get defensive when we just asked a simple question?
The reasons lie in brain chemistry! These are just a few of the questions I’ll
answer.
Better yet, I’ll give you new skills to help you bridge
these differences when you talk to guys so you can be better understood and
respected, and get greater cooperation.
I’ll have plenty of tips for guys as well.
Career women – I’ll show you how to communicate to be
more effective and taken more seriously in a male-oriented work environment.
So….register today!
“Brainsex” always fills quickly.
Consider bringing your man, so you both will benefit. Copious handouts will be provided. For more information and to register online at http://membershipbeta.com/holson/brain-sex-workshop/
“Brainsex” is also very useful in improving
organizational relationships. I will
tailor it to your firm. Contact me for
details: pris@scarvesstyleandglory.com, or by phone at 443-797-7794.
_______________________
Copyright Priscilla Wainwright 2014. This document may not
be reproduced in any manner nor utilized for any purpose other than personal
educational use without written permission of Dr. Wainwright.
Friday, March 7, 2014
FIND AND FULFILL YOUR DESTINY - Part 3: The 4 "P"s To Starting The Journey
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By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC
As
you begin your transformation in Journey of a Lifetime, there are 4
“P’s” to keep in mind. Continual
attention to these will help you stay not only focused, but also sane and
successful. Ignore them at your peril!
1.
PLANNING
You wouldn’t go on vacation without prior planning, right? Reservations, a packing list,
sights to
see, etc.
Well, this journey is no different.
So many women have great intentions, only to fail because they rely on
Dumb Ass Magical Thinking: Somehow,
it’ll all fall in place and happen by itself, it won’t! You need to put the proper structures in
place.
First, draw the map! Where are
you going? What stops do you need to
make on the way? In what order?
If you identified specific resources and/or support in the 6 Questions,
how and when will you acquire them?
Spell all this out. Be careful
to include everything you can think of, and revisit your list.
Does this sound like a Business or Marketing Plan? Well, it is, after a fashion.
While the exercise of answering last post’s 6 Questions is a form of
planning, it in itself is not complete.
You need to add the logistical component in order to be truly effective.
2.
PERSISTENCE
Keep at it. Peg away daily. Do at
last one relevant, necessary activity every day,
Monday through
Friday, in the service of your cause.
Commit yourself to this. It may
take time to see results. You don’t
want to lose drive in the process.
Slack up here and you could lose momentum, which is a critical emotional
and behavioral component of your ultimate success. Slacking can often lead to sloppiness,
discouragement, and inconsistency of effort.
If your dream is really important to you, you want to keep Motivation
and Momentum high.
3.
PATIENCE
At first blush, this may
sound like the opposite of Persistence.
Far from it, Patience is
Persistence’s
handmaiden!
Rome wasn’t built in a day. One of my coaches told me when I was getting
overwhelmed, “It’s like farming. You sew daily seeds, but growth and harvest take time. Farmers can’t force or speed the natural
growth process”.
That advice gave me a helpful
longitudinal perspective. I was getting
impatient, and that led to struggling.
I had, as so many women do, pushed myself too hard, and was getting
burned out.
We women tend to be hard on
ourselves. We beat ourselves up if we
aren’t constantly pushing or doing.
By being deliberately patient (yet
persistent) we give ourselves breathing space.
We allow time for our own development and refreshment along the way.
Patience, then, actually helps us
stay fresh, sharp, and focused.
If you need to work at being
patient, either at how you pace yourself, or when it comes to expecting
results, do so. The proper blend of
Patience and Persistence is a life-saver!
4.
PLEASURE
Make your dream fun! Find ways to make a game out of onerous
tasks that you can’t
delegate. Keep your passion by making the journey
joyful.
Infuse some play into your daily
activity if you can, or at least give yourself some pleasure time each day. We all need some R&R, especially if
we’re working hard.
Also, keep that exciting vision of
the final outcome before your eyes daily.
That will help bring excitement back into your enterprise and will help
keep drive alive.
If your work becomes daily drudgery,
you’ll eventually get overwhelmed, burned out and give up.
Your dream is supposed to be joyous,
especially to you, it’s mother.
So, Mom…..find (or create) Joy in
the Journey!
Go for it, Tigress!
Rise Up and ROAR!
©
2014….Copyright by Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC
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