Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Girlfriends...And More (Part 2)


By:  Priscilla Wainwright


“You alone can do it, but you can’t do it alone.” A wise man once said. How true.  All success is social. It doesn’t exist in isolation nor solely at the individual level.  And neither does getting there.

So often we think we’re weak if we can’t do it all by ourselves.  That’s so not true, especially in today’s complex society.

To reach our max, we need not just “cheerleaders”, as important as our girlfriend relationships are to us.  We also need “Synergistic Partners”.  These, likely to be very few in number, will relate with us at a very deep level.  We will share our deepest longings, our passions, inspirations, fears, doubts, barriers – everything.

They will not only support us by affirmation, but – more importantly sometimes – by holding up the mirror, showing us the truth when the vision is cloudy.  They will hold us accountable, and may have us make certain commitments to them.

They will most likely invite us to do the same with them.

Clearly this is a very deep and trusting relationship, not one that develops fully overnight, and not one your average girlfriend is willing to undertake.

So how do you select such a person and develop a Synergistic Partnership with her?  Here are several steps that, done well, will create a high probability of success.

Before proceeding, there is some necessary inner work to do.

First, decide exactly what you are looking for in this relationship.  What are your goals and intentions for the relationship/ What are you willing to reveal,  and how far will you go in this respect? What specifically will you want the other person to provide?  As best you can, clarify your expectations for yourself and your potential partner. Write all this down and review it until you are completely satisfied with it.

Now of course, this isn’t crafted in stone,  As your relationship progresses, some of this may change.  That’s to be expected, but doing the prep work gives you a place to start.

Second, consider your own personality. Do you have control or other issues that could sabotage you?  What type of person do you work best with?  What type of personality should she have?  Of course, you will want someone who will feel free to stand up to and disagree with you when necessary.  Don’t select a yes-girl.

Now you’re ready to select your potential partner. Is there someone in your circle of friends who might fit?  If not, how about acquaintances in organizations to which you belong?

You might start by inviting her to your home or to meet you at a restaurant, Starbucks, or someplace.  Share your ideas, your passions, and have you list of goals, intentions and expectations handy.  You want to feel her out about her thoughts and desires, and whether she’d want the same or a similar relationship with you.

Start your indepth conversation with how you admire her and how impressed you are with her input, accomplishments, whatever. Tell her how helpful she has been, and the reasons why you have chosen her to invite into this relationship.  This isn’t to soften her up. Quite often people do and say things but never hear how others have benefitted from it.

Follow this with telling her what you’re needing and looking for, and would she be willing to help you.  If so, then you can lay out the details. Then you need to explore whether she’d like the same or similar kind of relationship with you.

Consistency and follow through are essential it getting a synergistic partnership off the ground. You want to explore how often you want to get together, how you will communicate between meetings, &c.  You each can serve each other as a Mastermind Group of two!

Boundaries are also important here. You need to be careful about overstepping into each other’s business and life.  You may want to establish shared agreements early (including mutual confidentiality) so you can maintain an effective comfort level going forward.

Of course, all of this is strictly a guideline.  How you proceed is up to you and will depend on the nature of your prior relationship with your potential partner.

However you work it out, a Synergistic Partner will become one of your most treasured resources, and perhaps your deepest longterm friendship.  Go for it!

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Have a Frabjous Day!!!

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