Scarves Style and Glory: IDENTITY - How Do You Answer The 2 Defining Questions

By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC

Identity is everything! It’s the root of your self-image, self-esteem, and determines your sense of self-worth. Every breath and aspect of life is lived through, and mediated by, your sense of your personal Identity.

The FIRST question is, “Who are you?”

This is much more than, “I’m’ _______________.” Your identity is ultimately composed of 12 factors: traits, habits, personality, likes, dislikes, skills, talents, beliefs, gender, physique, appearance, and formative experiences.

Your Identity is composed as well of 2 selves. The first is your True Self, the Natural You with which you were born. Your True Self is positive, authentic, loving, trusting, capable, courageous, playful. It’s your Inner Tigress. It is what it is, come what may.

As you grow, others pin things on you, shaping your identity. They include all manner of people – family, friends, bullies, school, religion, other institutions – the list goes on. You learn to adapt, and perhaps your self has been wounded along the way. Clearly, growing up in the Patriarchy shapes us as well, both male and female. Identity is formed and shaped in community.

To the degree that you have been wounded or have to adapt, your False Self is created. It is your False Self that has developed your basic beliefs and biases about the world and your place in it, and who you are as a person. Your False Self believes many inaccuracies and is the source of your worry, self-doubt, fears, dissatisfactions, and negative opinions about yourself, others, and the world.

For most of us, the False Self (or “ego”) is dominant, while your True Self is confined to the shadows. Yet, the False Self is full of distortions. But since you believe and live according to them, you rarely call them into question. The distortions are lies, but you hold them as “truth”. Therefore, you continue to live in the pain, doubt, tentativeness, and limits which the False Self brings your way.

The False Self (ego) buys into a Triple Error:

1. Your worth is based upon your appearance and performance,

2. You are not good enough as you are, and

3. Your worth is relative to where others stand (which fosters comparison, competition, and self-hate or exaggerated self-importance).

The False Self buys into these errors, so therefore, it must create an Ego-Self-System to compensate. It is through the False Self’s Self System and its filters that we engage with our world.

The True Self shows itself only when we are natural, in the moment, relaxed and at peace, spontaneous and joyous. For most of us, those moments are all too rare.

Girlfriend, your True Self is your Inner Tigress, your Inner Feminine Spirit. She wanders in your interior jungle, waiting to re-enter your soul and bless you with your innate Female Power and Peace.

There is, however, a Larger Universal Truth. Your Inner Tigress knows and believes this truth, but your False Self keeps your Tigress in the distant shadows.

The Tigress knows this truth intuitively. She wants to liberate you, free you from your False Self’s chains, and open you to live into this truth as your DAILY NORM.

So……….

How can you reconnect with your Inner Tigress and embrace and live into The Universal Truth?

First of all, how does a snake grow? First, it must shed its old skin!

That’s Step 1, Tigress! Take off your mental/emotional corset!! Let it all hang out, open to view and change.

Step 2: Hold the Universal Truth up as your mirror and example. Challenge any belief or attitude that does not fit with that truth.

Step 3: Deeply look within. Determine your True Self in light of this Truth. Start defining your own Authenticity. Live accordingly.

Step 4: Take charge of your life. Set healthy boundaries on your actions and emotions. Stop over-accommodating or over-serving. Refuse to engage in any activities that would compromise your Authentic Truth.

Step 5: Start working on Self-Appreciation. Get in touch with all your positive qualities and start determining yourself as the source of your self-worth, not others nor anything superficial or external.

Now, Tigress, Who are you?

That’s a lot for now, so I’m going to wrap up for today. Next ime we’ll deal with Defining Question 2.