Girlfriends...And More (Part 1)

By:  Priscilla Wainwright

GIRLFRIENDS!    Aren’t they great?   Where would we be without ‘em?

            Pretty lonely, right?

            Girlfriends are comfort food for the soul!    They listen to our joys and woes.  They cheer us on when we struggle or strive, and applaud when we succeed.   They commiserate, support and encourage us when we’re down.

            We can hang out together, shop or do other fun things together.   They can add spice to an otherwise bland day.

            Our brain chemistry supports this.  When we girls are under stress, the very act of talking it out with girlfriends releases endorphins, oxytocin, and other feel-good hormones.  For a lot of us women, that experience is almost as great an aphrodisiac as sex!

            I’ve also noticed in watching posts on women’s forums, that the posts that get the wordiest and highest number of responses, are ones in which the writer reveals a problem, weakness, or difficult, sad, or hurtful experience.   We gals are hardwired to respond to vulnerability!   After all, we women are all about relationship.   It’s how our brains are structured.  It’s what we do.

            Yes, girlfriend relationships provide great joy and comfort.

            But do they always give us what we really need?

            Comfort is not enough.   Sometimes we need not a pat of the back, but a slap in the face!   Sometimes we need to hear certain truth, not just what we want to hear at the moment.

            We all need a subset of friendships where we have mutual permission to challenge, coach, guide and confront each other.    We need someone to be the touchstone for truth, to hold us accountable, to slap our hand when we’re reaching into the wrong or dangerous cookie jar.    We all need someone who can help us navigate when we steer off course.

            In short, we all need at least one curmudgeon in our lives, someone who won’t hesitate to tell it like it is, not to hurt us but because they love us.   Hopefully, if they are truth-tellers for us, they will have invited us to serve the same purpose for them.

            Truth is, most of our girlfriends will want to stay at the comfort/support level with us.    Only a certain few will agree to exercise the curmudgeon role or be our touchstone-for-truth.

            Yet, these deeper friendships are a marvelous blessing.   Ultimately, they will give us much more and make more of an impact.    These are the friendships we will hold most dear throughout our lives.

            How can you develop these special “insider” relationships?    Read my next blog for the How-To steps.