By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC
Here is
where the rubber meets the road.
Thinking
through and defining your true self is a powerful exercise. It’s always important to look honestly in
the mirror and take stock from time to time.
With all the pressures and demands upon us from family, work, and the
culture we swim in, slipping off track in some areas is easy to do.
For us
women, this slippage away from our true selves can be particularly subtle and
troublesome. We are prone to
over-serving, accommodating, and putting our own needs so far down the list
that they frequently get lost altogether.
The result? - burnout, fatigue
and resentment……and guilt.
Tigress,
there is no guilt in taking yourself seriously, standing up for yourself, and
commanding the respect you truly deserve.
There is no sin in saying “no” to overtaxing, excessive, or
inappropriate demands or pressures…..no matter from whom or where they come.
We train
others how to treat us through how we treat ourselves. So, having started the inner work on
defining your true self, now it’s time to show it to your world.
If you
followed my last Blog, you started to consciously determine the changes you
need to make. Now is the time to put
those changes into action.
So often, I
hear people say, “I have to develop the courage first”. Well, I hate to disappoint you. Waiting for courage is like waiting for
Goudot. Goudot never comes. Courage typically does not precede
action. It accompanies it. Courage grows as you act.
You need
the determination, drive, or jolt to get started. Once you do, courage builds.
Here are
some ways to gain the initial confidence to get started if you feel you need a
push.
1. Think back
to why you are taking action in the first place. You want change. Certain things became intolerable. Don’t go there to revisit hurt, pain and
resentment. Use it to show yourself
that vitalness of taking action, making positive moves in your own behalf, and
taking back your power, etc. Let the
importance of being truly authentic sink in, Tigress. You’re worth it!
2. Get in touch
with your Tigress power and energy.
Review the Power Statements and Affirmations you created around your authenticity.
Also recall other times when you have risen to the occasion
and successfully tackled and handled tough situations. We all have power in reserve, beyond that
which we’re now using. Recalling that
will help you take action now. That’s part
of what “Resilience” is all about.
3. Practice
visualizing yourself handling a potentially tough situation and bringing it to
a healthy, successful conclusion. Take
a few moments to close your eyes, take a few deep breaths to relax. Then, briefly, review your Power Statements
in your mind. Recite them to
yourself. Next, visualize a scene
where you act authentically, perhaps, say “no”, or some other situation where
you need to unswervingly stand by your truth.
Visualize this from beginning to end in as much detail as possible. See yourself being cool, kind, and firm,
handling it well, and brining it to a successful conclusion. Let the scene fade, but carry with you the
feelings of pride, power, and satisfaction that come with a job well done.
Your inner mind cannot tell fantasy from reality. Therefore, every time you do this in your
mind, it’s almost like having done it every time for real. So practice often. It will become much easier then to carry
out that situation for real when the time comes.
4. If you feel
you need support, enlist a girlfriend’s help as an accountability partner, or
get coaching. I and other coaches can
help you strategize, get going, and be successful. I’m just an e-mail away if you want to
chat.
There you
have it. Using the above tools will get
you started.
If you’re
experiencing a certain amount of fear, don’t worry. Some fear always accompanies change, even
positive change. Don’t take the fear
seriously. It is a “brain default
position”, and has no necessary basis in reality. More on fear in future blogs.
Plan your
work, then work your plan. Go for it,
Tigress!
You’re
worth it!
Copyright 2013 Priscilla Wainwright. All rights reserved.
______________________________________
NEWS FLASH: My article on “ How to have the Clothes
Talk with your daughters”
has been published in this week’s Simply Woman
magazine. Here’s the link:
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