Scarves Style and Glory: Tigress Habit # 2 - Accept and Love Yourself As You Are

By Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC

Self-Love is Habit 2, because it’s right up there with Authenticity if you want your Inner Tigress to truly flourish. This not only includes your personality, talents, skills, etc., but also your body……and the fact that you are female!

For many, this goes without saying. But for many more, the fact of being female is a stumbling block. Our Founding Principle is “Tigress, you are the most glorious of Nature’s creation, simply by virtue of being female”.

Yet, far too many women have a very difficult time accepting this fact. They perceive their femaleness has been the root of great pain.

My best girlfriend grew up with an attitude of self-loathing. In my coaching practice and Tigress Training Seminars, I have heard far too many women express similar sentiments. Also, far too many women speak of feeling “invisible”. Yes, that’s the word they use. They have been so busy accommodating, posing, over-serving, or being too worried about being perfect, liked and approved of by others that they lost the sense of who they really are.

While it seems we have many parts, the human being is truly an holistic entity. All the “parts” interact, influence each other, and make up the uniqueness of who you are as a person.

So, if you truly want to love “yourself”, you’ve gotta include the whole thing – gender, warts ad all.

There is one attitude, however, that can complicate loving and accepting ourselves as we are. That attitude is “perfectionism”. We women, especially, tend to let imperfection stand in our way. We tend to be self-critical, noticing every flaw. (More on that in my next blog.)

Face it, Ladies, there is no “perfect”. It doesn’t exist in nature. There is only “doing your best”. That’s a different enterprise than “striving for perfection”. If you do your best, you can, at some point, be satisfied. If you strive for perfection, satisfaction – and the joy and peace that accompany it – will elude you every time.

“Good enough” is a standard worth embracing. At some point, we need to know when to stop and let ourselves be pleased.

I’ll never forget my childhood girlfriend, Bernice’s, grandmother. She was her family’s Holiday CEO. She hosted all the family gatherings. Her motto was, “A well-laid table is a thing of beauty and a joy forever”. When setting the table, she would pull out a ruler. She’d measure the drop of the cloth so it was uniform on all sides. She’d measure the distance of the silver and glasses from the plates, the napkins from the edge of the table – everything – to 1/32^nd of an inch! And, yes, the silver was polished to a mirror shine with never a fingerprint.

She always got compliments on her table, but the instant people were seated, it got all messed up. Inwardly she seethed.

Another friend of mine spends 1 to 1 ½ hours on her hair and make-up every morning before leaving for work. And when she’s done, she’s still dissatisfied.

Here’s the point. True self-love is joyous. It knows when enough is enough and allows for satisfaction and joy in the outcome.

But even at a more basic level – the healthy Tigress loves herself even when sweaty and sloppy, and when she burns the toast!

Proper Tigress self-love is unconditional! Yes, she may primp, pose, clean meticulously, etc. But she does those things because they give her joy and satisfaction, not to prove anything, gain approval, nor to love herself more. Her self-love is a given, independent of her personal appearance, style and standards.

The operative words of self-love are, “as you are”, warts and all. You can love yourself and still weigh 300 pounds. You can be joyous in spite of a pock-marked face or poor complexion, or in spite of disabilities.

We women need to develop “the courage to be imperfect”. This means accepting and loving yourself as you are. If there are things about yourself you need to improve as a demonstration of self love, do so. But don’t reserve your love and self-acceptance ‘til you’ve obtained the desired results.

Love yourself NOW! REGARDLESS!

Sadly, this is easier said than done. In my next Blog, we’ll explore some of the things that get in the way.

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