Scarves Style and Glory: Growin' Up Female Aint For Sissies

By Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC

I recently saw a poster of a trim, 90-something-looking woman in a swimsuit and bathing cap. The slogan underneath read, “Getting Old Isn’t For Sissies”.

Well, neither is growing up female, periods and pregnancy aside.

We live in a Patriarchal culture that is still full of mixed messages, double standards, and double binds for girls and women, in spite of how far we’ve come.

Everything’s usually cool while we’re little girls. We can be ourselves. But as we approach double-digit age, the pressures begin and mount.

Most of the pressures revolve around standards we have to meet to be pretty, sexy, and desirable to boys, men, and others. The hurtful message at the root is that our worth is based on our performance and/or our appearance; that we are not “good enough” as we are.

These messages not only undermine the very foundation of a girl’s self-esteem and self-worth. They instill FEAR, SHAME, and UNCERTAINTY. They also encourage UNFAIR COMPETITION: “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

God help the mirror if it gives the wrong answer. But worse, God help the girl who asks! The wrong answer can throw her into panic and into a relentless pursuit of a beauty standard that is impossible to attain, let alone sustain. It can also destroy relationships to the degree that she becomes envious or jealous of any of her friends.

What’s worse, the media is objectifying women and girls more and more heavily and at younger ages than ever before. It frequently portrays us as cat-fighting, bimbo-bitches. Remember Desperate Housewives and The Bachelor? Well, it’s getting worse!

Young girls are shown photo-shopped, perfect images that push the necessity of being beautiful and sexy to attract the best guys to virtually impossible levels. The underlying message is that if you don’t measure up sexually, you’re a worthless loser.

(I see this as an unspoken cultural backlash by the male-driven establishment against the equality and power that we women have so far achieved.)

So here’s the bottom line: The world-scene that the media presents to girls is that the world is one big meat-market. Only looks count, and the ends justify the means. It’s OK to compete and bully if you win. Guys are the buyers and gals are the toys or objects d’arte on the shelves.

And don’t think that only girls suffer! These messages are hurtful to boys and men as well. They teach males that females are inferior, and worthy of disrespect.

Given all this, plus the alarming prevalence of abuse of women in all forms, from sexual abuse and human trafficking to belittling based on gender, it’s easy to see why so many women basically see themselves as objects who exist to please others rather as persons in their own right.

Add to all this our natural female tendency to over-accommodate and put others’ needs and desires ahead of our own, and you have a recipe for disempowerment, low self worth, and disgust with being female.

If you’ve been abused, bullied, put down, and/or if you feel like a loser and worthless, is it any wonder you’d have a hard time seeing yourself as “Glorious solely by virtue of being female”?

Well, ladies, we have a gargantuan task ahead of us – building female self-worth and inoculating girls and women against destructive cultural messages. It starts one woman at a time. Actually, it starts with YOU!

The first step is: Give yourself permission to explore and challenge the status quo, and create a new paradigm of self-respect, self-love, and self-nurturance for yourself and other women around you.

Give yourself permission to love, embrace, cherish, and nourish your radiant self, just as you are, right now, this minute.

Give yourself permission to let go of false attitudes and beliefs, and embrace the larger truth: You are not only fine as the person you are but also radiant and glorious – just the way you are right now. You are a Pearl of Great Price. Your value and potential have no limits.

You are Beautiful!

You are Radiant!

You are Glorious!

You are WOMAN!

Again, all this is easier said than done. In my next Blog, we’ll lay out methods to help you love and accept yourself fully and grant yourself the worth you deserve.

____________________________________

Big Scarves for Christmas Sale going on NOW!

20% OFF the entire store now thru Sunday 11/24.

Buy NOW to ensure holiday delivery.

Discount Code - XMAS

PS - Next week is Thanksgiving and I'll be on VACATION. Look for my next Blog on Tues. Dec 3