Scarves Style and Glory: 5 Practices of Tigress Self-Love - Part 1

By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC

“You are teaching people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself” – Crystal Andrus

If you think self-love is strictly a private matter, guess again, Sweetie!

Self-Love is fundamentally a public act, Tigress. And of your public acts, it is – at root – your most important one!

Why?

It sets the stage for how you will be treated by others. Not just “treated”, but also trusted and regarded.

Try this experiment. Next time you go to a mall, spend a few moments observing. Let your mind become conscious of your automatic assumptions. First, notice a sloppily dressed woman or girl. What’s your instant reaction and thought about her? What guesses is your mind making about her background, social status, etc.? Now notice a well-dressed or stylish woman. What’s your mind telling you about her?

Well, appearance of course is just the tip of the iceberg. And your assumptions based on appearance may be way off. BUT, your assumptions will dictate your initial feelings and actions toward these people.

I hear so many women grouse about not being respected enough by their families and/or others. Upon closer inspection, we find that repeated disrespect by others is frequently fundamentally an outcome of deficient self-love. (So is chronic anger, disrespect of others, and mean-girl behavior). Please note that I am not blaming the woman. Those who disrespect her need to own their own behavior. It’s just that people who do not love themselves sufficiently tend more to be targets for the inappropriate behavior of others.

Love yourself WELL, Tigress, and it will pay off big-time in how others will regard and treat you.

Sadly, true self-love is more difficult for women. I’ve discussed why in previous blogs. Suffice it to say, there are numerous barriers: messages from the culture and the patriarchy, gender-bias, male preference, male chauvinism, the War of the Sexes, and competition and comparison between women – to name a few.

And we see the symptoms – depression, self-loathing, alcoholism, eating disorders, cutting, and – most sinister – self objectifying. And, what are some of the outcomes? – broken relationships, loneliness, unfulfilled potential, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness – again, to name a few.

All this because of deficient self-love?

YOU BET, Tigress.

So for many, maybe including you, true Tigress Self-Love is an uphill climb.

Notice, I didn’t say, “uphill battle”. The journey to true self-love isn’t a battle. It’s a grand adventure in anticipation of reaching the peak and seeing the view from the top!

It’s all in how you approach it. The unloving way is to see it as an up-hill battle in which you set far-off goals and struggle through daily practices such as dieting in your attempt to reach them.

If that’s your approach, you will suspend your potential daily happiness and satisfaction until you have achieved the goals. You’ll beat yourself up if you miss the mark. You’ll become your own worst taskmaster and, of course, you won’t end up loving yourself because your whole approach would have been self-critical and self-demanding.

Here’s the right way:

True Tigress self-love is a complex of emotion, attitude, and action, with a

dash of intellect thrown in.

Start with the assumption that you are – right now – worth it! You are

Glorious, Beautiful, Bright, Radiant – just as you are! Your intention (not “goal”) is to bring all this out even more.

Your actions and practices of self-love are not in the service of some far-off goal. Heck no! They are the “polishing cloth” you’re using to make yourself shine more every day.

You find Joy in the Journey of self-love. You enjoy and draw meaning and satisfaction from every self-love action because it makes your shining star one bit brighter, and because it feels good, just as it is.

Don’t confuse this! Your self-love practices, even if they are developmental in nature, are NOT, let me repeat, NOT – a means toward an end. They are ends in themselves! BIG Difference! They are daily doings and accomplishments with meaning in and of themselves. Each one is one step successfully taken on the Joyous Journey. The “end” is here now. The daily “steps” are not in the service of a far-off goal, but are “Enhancers” of what is already glorious now.

This is a subtle, but very powerful distinction. Get this right and you’re on your way. Miss this, and you will not truly love yourself because your approach is flawed.

That said, LET’S GET GOING! See my next Blog.

______________________________________

Like this Blog ? – Don’t Miss An Issue! - Subscribe in the Sidebar to the right, and get my FREE report on Feminine Radiance.

Check out my Glory Meditation. Go to www.ScarvesStyleAndGlory.com and click on the Featured Product tab. You’ll love it!