By Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC
Most of us like to think that
we’re honest people, and by and large we are.
Most of us tell the truth, at least most of the time. We don’t like lying, and become quite hurt
or angry if someone lies to us regarding an important matter.
That said,
you’re honest. You’re impeccable about
keeping your word and speaking the truth.
But…..does
that mean you’re being authentic?
Honesty and speaking the
truth is only a part of being an authentic woman.
The other
side is, are you speaking – and living – your
truth?
Are you
fully in touch with your inner nature and drives? Do you understand your own motives? Do you have inner yearnings and passions
that you are ignoring? Have you
defined your core values and are you living and speaking according to them?
In our
society, we women are trained to accommodate.
Early on, most of us are taught to be “good little girls”, to attract a
good man we must be pretty, sexy, and good servants, putting others needs
before our own. “Selfish”, we are told,
is a four-letter word, and a terrible thing to be.
In short,
we are taught to play limbo, always crawling under the bar set by others.
With such
an upbringing, we can easily lose touch with our true selves. We can be so busy and focused on externals such
as beauty and fashion and taking care of others that OUR deeper desires and needs fall off our radar.
We slowly
grow strings and then become marionettes, dancing to others’ tunes.
The
result? One day we wake up feeling
empty and bitter. Something’s wrong,
but we don’t know what it is, let alone how to fix it.
Could it be
that the root problem is we have wandered too far from home? Could we have lost touch with our inner core?
Look…..accommodation
is a good thing in proper doses. Where
would our friends, families, communities, and even the planet be if people
refused to put themselves out for the needs and desires of others?
Accommodation
is also a source of great joy, meaning, and satisfaction. We women, especially, feel a sense of
purpose and fulfillment when we have helped or done for others. However, often the source of our greatest
joy can also become our greatest curse.
We can accommodate to a fault.
Accommodation,
like most “good things”, has a tipping point.
Up to a point, it’s fine and good.
But beyond a certain point, we can become stressed, depressed, and
bitter. We feel too many demands and
pressures. In short, when we over-accommodate,
we lose our balance.
Over-accommodation
is “mother energy” gone awry. For
some, it is like an addiction; for others, a trap from which they don’t know
how to escape.
Yes,
over-accommodation is both a “boundaries” and a “balance” issue. But attempting to correct it at those levels
only will often prove inadequate.
The real
root of the problem lies within “authenticity”. For many, the issue is rooted in personal
meaning and self-definition, which is what authenticity is all about.
Who are you
really? How do you define the “true
you”? Get clear on this, Tigress, and
issues of over-accommodation, balance, and boundaries become much easier to
solve.
More on
this in my next Blog.
Copyright 2013 Priscilla Wainwright. All rights reserved.
______________________________________
NEWS FLASH: My article on “ How to have the Clothes
Talk with your daughters”
has been published in this week’s Simply Woman ezine. Here’s the link:
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