Scarves Style and Glory: 5 Practices of Tigress Self-Love

5 PRACTICES OF TIGRESS SELF-LOVE – PART 4

THE DAILY JOYS (FINAL)

By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC

You’ve noticed that the first 4 practices are all ongoing. Their joy and satisfaction build as you progress.

Now let me drop this concept into the mix: Self-Love includes not putting others’ heads higher than your own! You give others their due respect, honor, and love, but as equals with you. You refuse to be deferent. Neither do you put your head above theirs. We co-exist best and most smoothly and happily in a context of equality.

Which brings us to our next and last of the 5 Tigress Self-Love Practices:

5. CONNECTION

John Donne wrote, “No man (or woman) is an island”. The Beatles sang, “We get by with a little help from our friends”.

We women know this intuitively. The female brain is actually constructed neurologically and hormonally for relationship. It’s what we do. (Men’s brains are built for action in the world, BTW. But more on this in future blogs.)

How well are we doing it?

Good, mutually beneficial friendships are one of the life’s greatest joys. They comfort us in times of pain, support us when we feel weak or uncertain, lift and inspire us when we feel down, kick us in the pants sometimes if we need to get moving. And, hopefully, we do the same for our friends when necessary.

While we rarely think about it this way, good friends validate us. They honor, love and respect us. They enjoy our company, and vice versa. They support our self-worth, and, they can be our safe port in a storm.

Practice 5, then, means nurturing and developing our friendships. So often we can get so busy that we let relationships slide. It’s easy in our hectic world to take them for granted. Of course, we don’t mean for that to happen, but it can and often does. Certain friends slip off our radar.

Have you ever felt forgotten by a friend who hasn’t contacted you? Not a pleasant feeling, right? How do you feel toward that person?

The Patriarchy also teaches us the value of “independence”. It values personal over group achievement, and actually reinforces isolation. I’ve found many business women slip into that mindset, especially if they are looking to rise in their careers. This can get lonely after awhile.

So…..where are you regarding your friends? Do you have good, mutually supportive friendships with people you can trust?

Now, of course, these supportive friendships can include family. When I was growing up, I was very close to my cousin, Paul. He was a guy, but he was caring and sensitive, and we could talk about anything. He frequently would say, “Pris, you can’t possibly offend me, no matter what you say”. And he meant it; and I felt the same way toward him. We could confront each other, sometimes pointedly, but we each knew that we were loved and the comment, sharp as it might be, was said in love and was meant to help, not hurt.

I also once saw a T-shirt that said, “Sisters by blood, friends by choice”. Same idea.

Sometimes, however, better friendships are found outside the family. Blood ties alone are, sadly, no guarantee of love, caring, and support. So, here’s the bottom line:

Assess your friendships carefully. Which ones are particularly close? Ask yourself why. Look closely at the level of closeness, and what purposes you serve each other. How mutual is the relationship? What are you each getting and giving? Have some of your friendships lost their zest or value? By any chance are you engaging in any friendships that are one-sided or actually draining? If so, you may need to have a discussion about the balance between you both, or maybe cut it off.

I expect that assessment will be revealing, perhaps startling in some ways. Determine which of your relationships are the most mutually beneficial and satisfying. Work out a plan to nurture those particular friendships more.

By any chance, are you into deep relationships with certain family members that are not satisfying, or maybe even hurtful? Are you staying in them because those people are “family”, and/or because of certain family “rules”, “duties”, or expectations?

If so, rethink your involvement. You don’t want to let duty continually drain you. Consider setting some boundaries here. Or, if the relationship is too heavy, maybe you need to jettison it. Look. I can’t tell you what to do here. All I’m saying is, consider the Self-Love implications and care for yourself well and reasonably. We all have to make accommodations in life and handle unpleasant responsibilities on occasion. What are you willing and able to undertake and how far will you let yourself by stretched?

Again, mutually satisfying friendships are one of life’s greatest joys and pick-me-ups. Those who truly love themselves are often the best friends because they radiate life and positivity, and help their friends do so, too.

Well, Tigress, there you have the 5 Tigress Self-Love Practices. These 5 are hardly all the options there are. What the 5 are, however, are “categories” to be examined and developed. What you choose to do in any of the categories is up to you.

Let me reiterate. Doing things alone will not fully develop Self-Love. But they help because they enable you to focus on YOU in positive and healthy ways, and become habits which bring you greater joy.

Attitude without Action goes nowhere. If you want improvement in any area, changes in the status quo must be made. If you act on these practices, you will move forward in a healthy way.

RISE UP AND ROAR, TIGRESS!

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