Tuesday, December 17, 2013

5 Practices of Tigress Self-Love - Practice 5A : Kindness and Generosity





By:   Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC


            I originally thought of these as part of Practice 5, Connection.    And of course, they are.   But the more I thought about it, I’ve concluded kindness and generosity deserve special mention.

            Of course it goes without saying that kindness and generosity underlie and are an essential part of love of any kind.   They are implied by definition.

            Clearly, if you have been applying the Tigress Self Love practices, you will have been kind and generous to yourself.

            However, I want to bring kindness and generosity out of the shadow of implication and into the spotlight.   I also want to link them in a special way.

            It is very possible that Generosity can be practiced without kindness.    A person or company can be generous simply out of duty, or for a tax write-off.   While the donation may help others, such generosity is soul-empty.   I’m not suggesting that such generosity be stopped.    Far from it.   The world’s needs are great.   Rather I would wish generosity to come from genuine caring and compassion.

            I have also seen kindness be displayed without generosity.   People may be kind in their interactions, but “cheap” when it comes to generosity, not only of money, but of time and talent as well.

            But the real truth is, if I limit my Generosity unduly, I am also limiting my Kindness.

            Clearly, one can only give so much.   There are appropriate limits to giving.   True Generosity, however, is a matter of Spirit, not just of time and/or treasure.   The task is the development of a generous heart.

            St. Paul ends his famous “Love Chapter  (1st Corinthians 13) with “Faith, hope, and love, these three.   But the greatest of these is love.”   The King James Version of the New Testament translates St. Paul’s word for love, “agape”, as “charity”.    This is closer to the true meaning.    The word “Agape” in Greek is an action verb.    It means doing acts of love, not just having warm, caring feelings.

            Now….How does all this connect with Self-Love?

            Intimately!!!

            Repeated studies have shown that people who practice altruism are in fact happier.   The connection between personal happiness and generosity towards others is powerful and direct.

            Donating, giving of our time and talent and “random acts of kindness” such as giving a compliment to a stranger, or holding a door open for someone else actually boosts our happiness quotient.

            Think about it.   How did you feel when you did a small random act of kindness for someone else?   I’d bet you felt a little tinge of joy or satisfaction.  How about when you truly gave of yourself or your funds?

            I’m not advocating “giving ‘til it hurts”.   That can destroy happiness, especially if we feel we must do it out of duty.   It can also be a recipe for burnout.   Over-serving is a bad habit too many women have fallen into.

            But with appropriate boundaries, Generosity is a great happiness booster.   As such, it rounds out Tigress Self-Love.

            By appropriately, consciously looking for ways to demonstrate Kindness and Generosity to others, we are nurturing ourselves as well.    We are perhaps giving ourselves one of the greatest gifts.

            Spirit-filled Generosity and Self Love are truly cyclical.

           
Copyright 2013 Priscilla Wainwright. All rights reserved.

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