Scarves Style and Glory: The Assertive Foundation: The 5 Key Tigress Courages

By: Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., C.P.C.

When we think of “Assertiveness”, we typically think of behavior, on a scale with “Submissiveness” and “Aggressiveness”. However, Assertiveness goes much deeper. Assertive behavior becomes more habitual and natural when we are solid on the root foundation. When you are clear on that, assertiveness flows more naturally.

The foundation for Assertiveness is Authenticity: Living your truth, come what may. If you really look more deeply, the people who have trouble being assertive are probably not living authentically. They over-accommodate, or they have a chip on their shoulder, to name a couple of common behaviors.

When you know yourself well and have figured out who you are and why you’re here, assertive behavior often just flows from that understanding. Because it is more natural, such assertiveness is automatically more effective.

There are 5 courages that stem from the knowledge and decision to live authentically. The drive to live authentically will guide your behavior in these areas and help you rise to the challenges that each presents.

The first, of course, is the courage to be the true you. This is perhaps the toughest challenge you’ll face. When you live your honest truth, you risk disapproval from some people. You also risk misunderstanding and judgment.

Many people, women in particular, fear displeasing others and losing approval. Such fear is a deterrent to living fully honestly in some areas of your life. When you bite the bullet and determine unashamedly to live your truth, your courage will build.

The second is the courage to set appropriate limits, boundaries, and to say “no” consistently to things that would compromise those boundaries. Here again, the fear of causing displeasure can hold you back. But to not follow through on handling situations that would compromise your limits is to backslide into living inauthentically. Here again, determination can fuel the courage you need to take action.

The third is the courage to be imperfect. In our beauty culture, there is no room for flaws. Our “motivation” and “success” culture often confuses perfection and excellence.

If you are lacking the courage to be imperfect, you may hold yourself back and block your forward movement. You may find yourself waiting till you get it just right the first time. The fact is that the greatest growth and strides come through trial and error, through development. If you wait till you get it perfect, you will not grow. You will never get off the ground.

Fear of shame and criticism is the biggest deterrent in this area. The antidote is to determine to do your best, act, and take your chances. You may well find that the only person who demands perfection from you is you!

The fourth is the courage to leave the shore and sail into uncharted waters in pursuit of your dreams. Do you have inner yearnings, or burdens on your heart, that you really want to fulfill? Many women do. We women are about fostering, birthing. What dreams do you wish to birth into reality?

What are you waiting for? The right opportunity? Certainty? A clear path? A direct route? Frequently, these are lacking. If you wait, they may never come. You need, again, to bite the bullet and act. Start creating and put the structures in place to help you bring your dreams into reality.

To sit on your dreams and not act is truly a form of inauthenticity. You want to be intentionally and behaviorally congruent. To sit and not act on your important concerns will just lead to increased self-dissatisfaction, and growing frustration, if not depression.

The fifth is the courage to connect deeply with others. I’m talking beyond just casual friendships, but deeper synergistic partnerships where you truly, mutually love, support and help each other.

All the fears mentioned earlier can come to play here. They can keep you isolated and disconnected from resources that could help you, and from the blessings and joys of having someone who will honor, value, and care for you – warts and all.

If you reach out to some of the people you trust, you may well find that you touch them at a point of need in their lives as well. Voila! The mutual need may well blossom into a beautiful, supportive friendship.

See Tigress, if all hangs together. The 5 courages go with the territory when you truly determine to live authentically. Authenticity ain’t for sissies, but it is the path and foundation of true freedom.

Progress here is synergistic, by the way. Improvement in one courage will make the others easier to tackle as well.

Bite the Bullet! Step out in faith in the Larger Truth that the Universe conspires to assist you to succeed and fulfill your purpose. As the poet, Goethe, said, “When one truly commits, Providence moves too. All sorts of resources come one’s way that no one could have anticipated.”

Go for it, Tigress!!!

Rise Up and ROAR!!

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