Refuse to "Settle"

By:   Priscilla A. Wainwright, Ph.D., CPC

            “Settling” is a dangerous disease that afflicts way too many women.   In fact, one could argue that it could be listed among women’s disorders.

            What is “settling”?  God bless you if you have to ask!  Too many of us already know.

            Broadly defined, settling is accepting something (or someone) less when you really want something more.   Maybe it’s a job, a relationship, or something else that is off-track from your main needs or desires.

            What have you “settled” for in the past?   Did what you settled for bring you peace, joy, freedom, truly closer to a particular someone, or what you were HOPING for?

            I’d bet NOT, at least not in the long run!

            Look, Tigress, here’s the real skinny.   Settling is like vanilla extract!   Open the bottle.   The aroma is pleasant.   Put a drop on your tongue.   Instant sweetness, but almost immediately the taste turns bitter!

            Settling is the “Path of Least Resistance”.  Even more, it’s going down a road which takes you farther and farther from your inner truth and desires.  It’s opting for the hamburger when down deep you want the filet mignon!

            Why do we do it?   Maybe we’re yielding to pressure from others we care about or fear.   Maybe we’re too caught up in pleasing or over-serving.   Maybe it’s just the easiest or most convenient choice.   Or maybe, there is an allure to the choice that promises a better lifestyle.

            On the surface, settling may not seem like such a big deal.   Dig deeper, and you’ll discover how insidious and destructive settling really is.

            First, the real reasons we settle are rooted in fear:  fear of displeasing, incurring anger, fear of failure, or even success, in a potential new venture.

            Sure, there’s always a certain amount of fear in any new venture, but a true Tigress accepts that and doesn’t let it hold her back.

            Settling is actually a slippery slope.   Once we do it, it gets easier every time.   It’s also erosive.   Little by little, it diminishes your inner truth and authenticity.   It erodes your self image and your personhood.   Keep it up, and you start living inauthentically.   You drift ever so slowly away from your true, authentic self that you may not notice the erosion is happening.  You end up living a lie.

            Sooner or later, you’ll wake up to that fact.   You’ll find lumps of dissatisfaction, disappointment and regret in your throat.   There may be the acid of anger in your stomach.   Perhaps anger at others, but ultimately at yourself for lacking courage.

            Are you facing such a choice right now?   If so, think twice.   If you suspect that you might be settling, then you probably are.   A little inner voice (perhaps your Inner Tigress) is warning you.   Think carefully and take that warning seriously.

            Determine your inner truth.   Who is the real, long-term, authentic you?   Is what you’re about to choose really in line with and supporting your Authentic Self?    Assess carefully.

            Muster the courage to be yourself.   If not settling leads you to challenges about which you are uncertain, get help, advice, or coaching.   There are plenty of resources around you.   If the student is ready, the teacher will come.  Get what you need, Tigress.   You need look no further than this Blog's recent posts to start.

            Here’s the bottom line – settling is selling out and selling yourself short!   It’s based on lack of confidence in your true strength and power.

            Muster your courage, Tigress.   Stand up for your Authentic Truth.   Refuse to be intimidated or to let bogus fear block you.

            Never, ever, ever, give up on yourself!

            Rise Up and Roar!

C. 2014, Priscilla Wainwright. All rights reserved.

Priscilla is a psychologist and empowerment, career, and destiny coach for women on the rise, based in Owings Mills, MD.  She works face to face and by phone so distance is no problem.  She is also founder of www.ScarvesStyleAndGlory.com   This unique site sells scarves, and offers free Style Tips, Style Coaching, Empowerment Coaching, and an online community, “Women of Style and Glory”.   She also owns www.MyBigDiscountMall.com, 49 major stores with 1 click, and great discounts!   Contact her at pris@ScarvesStyleAndGlory.com.

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Sale on thru Sunday, March 23

WOOHOO!  I was featured in the March edition of Holistic Fashionista.  Great mag with cool articles.      www.holisticfashionista.com/lifestyle-guide/all/priscilla-wainwright